When you are young you have no instincts. Someone tells you to do something, so that’s what you do. As you get older instincts manifest themselves into your life and are used every day when listening to someone. It’s not necessarily what is said but the way it’s said or even the body language of the person speaking to you.
When listening to another person if they are shifty eyed, blink excessively or their voice quivers, they could be lying to you. Maybe they are just nervous and uncomfortable talking to you. It could be they’re just in a hurry and don’t have time to talk.
Or it could be none of the above. Police, psychologists and investigators use these instincts to quickly size up people in their line of work but all adults have the ability to quickly judge others through body language, tone and demeanor.
People will usually tell you how they feel not so much from their spoken words as much as their tone, facial expression and body language if you pay attention. If someone is in a hurry, they will not say “I don’t have time to listen to you” but will express this in other ways. Women will often express themselves with tone more than spoken words. When my wife answers the phone I can usually tell who she is talking to by the tone of her voice.
When Oprah Winfrey slandered the beef industry in front of a nationwide audience, the Cattlemen’s Association sued and things were not looking good for her. She hired a little known jury consultant named “Dr. Phil” to observe and listen to every juror.
During jury selection he used his amazing instinctive ability to select jurors sympathetic to her. You want this one but not that one. The jury ruled in her favor saving her millions and she doesn’t talk about beef anymore.
These instincts, once acquired, will be used for a lifetime and should get keener as you age. If you’re tired, agitated, stressed, happy or even confused this will be transmitted nonverbally to the person or persons you’re speaking to. The next time someone speaks to you remember it’s not only what is said but how it is said. So, trust your instincts.
